


Hello, His Name is 'No, No Bad Dog!'

by PumpkinDoodles



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Punisher (TV 2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Cute Dogs, F/M, dlaf2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 06:31:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Darcyland Crackfic Challenge 2019Day 9: Must Include Packing PeanutsMr. Pickle really is a good dog, Darcy swears. She doesn't know how this stuff happens to him.





	Hello, His Name is 'No, No Bad Dog!'

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing!

****Darcy was super-stoked that Marie from SI’s legal division was letting her dogsit for the weekend. She’d bribed Jane with enough Pop-Tarts to let her bring little Pickle the long-haired chihuahua into the lab without telling Tony. Bring might be a smidge creative–it was more like smuggle–but Pickle was super quiet. Nobody noticed a dog in a stroller. Well, except Steve. He peered down at Pickle in the stroller, as Darcy was leaving for the day. “That’s a real interesting lookin’ baby you got there,” he said, grinning slyly. Pickle blinked up at him adorably. He was black with white and tan markings. Blinking seemed to be his primary form of activity. Also, gazing adoringly. He’d done it at Jane until she actually relinquished the non-frosted corner of a Pop-Tart.

“You hush, Steven Grant Rogers, Mr. Pickle is a perfect angel,” Darcy said.

“Oh yeah? Then why does his little dog scarf say, _Hello, my name is No No Bad Dog?”_ Steve asked.

“I’m sure that’s a joke,” Darcy said. “He’s been perfect all day.”

“Of course,” Steve said. “Have a good evening, Darcy.”

“Phffft,” Darcy said, as they got off on her floor, “he acts like spending the evening with you is a letdown, Mr. Pickle. He is a goober. I’m super excited. I ordered you new toys from this fancy company and we get to unpack them. Isn’t that exciting?”

At her happy voice, Mr. Pickle wagged his tail.

Darcy was unpacking the miniature toys–she’d picked chihuahua-appropriate sized squeakies–when her phone rang and Jane’s face popped up on the screen. She answered. “Hey, what’s up?” she asked.

“Do you know where my mass spectrometer is?” Jane asked.

“Are you _working?_ What have I told you about working?” Darcy said, automatically putting a hand on her hips. “I know you know–”

“I had an idea!” Jane said. “You can’t expect me not to work when I have an idea!”

“You don’t have an idea, you have a problem,” Darcy scolded. “What does your sleep, eat, bathe chart say?”

“It says I need to bathe and sleep today,” Jane said glumly. “But I’m an adult! I can work if I want to!” Darcy’s phone went silent. She looked at it.

“That little workaholic hung up on me. Can you believe that, Mr. Pickle–oh my God! Nooooooooooo!” Darcy yelled, as the tiny dog ate a second packing peanut. She grabbed Mr. Pickle, stuffed a few of the packing peanuts in her coat pocket, grabbed her purse and ran to the elevator. “JARVIS, is there a Stark car available?” she asked.

“Mr. Hogan is currently waiting to take sir to a gala,” the AI said.

“Not if I get there first,” Darcy said, hitting the button for the garage level.

The limo was waiting. She opened the car door and climbed in, swearing and stuffing an errant peanut back in her jacket pocket. “Darcy?” Happy said, frowning in the rearview mirror. “You have a dog? In the tower? You know Tony is allergic–”

“He’s not my dog and we need the nearest animal emergency vet, Happy. Step on it!” Darcy said.

“Okay,” he said.

“You can just leave me there. Oh my God,” she said, looking at the dog. “Don’t you die, okay?” Mr. Pickle blinked at her.

***

“I know he ate at least two of them and he’s not mine, he belongs to a coworker and I’m supposed to be watching him and being responsible and is he going to need surgery if they’re, like toxic, or mess up his intestines?” Darcy asked, the words spilling out in a panic. The woman at the front desk looked at her.

“What happened again?” she asked. Her name tag said Bethany.

“He ate packing peanuts! Two of them!” Darcy said. “These.” She slapped them on the counter.

“We can take him back and do an exam, but we’ll need your credit card information and a signed release stating you will pay your bill,” the woman said, pushing a clipboard at Darcy. “In full,” she added.

“Fine, fine, you can have whatever, as long as he’ll be okay,” Darcy said. Behind her, someone snickered. A hand with bruised, battered-looking knuckles snaked around her arm and grabbed a peanut, squashing it a little.

“He ate these?” a voice said. Darcy turned, trying not to cry in panic. The man standing behind her was dark haired. He had a wry expression and a dog leash around his neck. In a moment of less stress, Darcy would have said he was hot. “These peanuts? Bethany, don’t you take this poor woman’s money for no damn reason,” he said. “These are from a pet store, right? Online place?”

“Um, yeah, I ordered him some toys from Waggles? The dog company,” she said. The man actually laughed.

“Those places use organic packing peanuts now. Which you know,” he said, pointing a finger at Bethany, who gave him a look. “They’re totally harmless. Call the Waggles people, honey,” he said to Darcy. “Ask ‘em. You don’t need to be here.”

Darcy sat on the little bench while the stranger petted Mr. Pickle. It turned out that the packing peanuts were utterly harmless. They dissolved. “Oh thank God,” she told the person on the phone. “Thank you, thank you so much!” she said into the phone. The guy grinned at her. 

As she hung up and prepared to leave, they brought out a big grey pit bull for him. “Where you been?” the man said. “Did you come to see Kristen?” he asked the dog. The dog ran to him, nails sliding across the waxed floor. His tail thumped against the legs of the tech holding his leash.

“Yes,” the tech who’d brought him out said, grinning. “I don’t know how he always knows when she’s working.”

“I’ve gotta check the damn phone bill, see if he’s calling before he sneaks out of my apartment. He never digs out of the Liebermans’ yard,” the guy said. “How much do I owe you?”

“Overnight boarding fees are ninety dollars. Which you know,” Bethany said sharply, from behind the counter.

“Oh, Kristen said not to worry about the boarding fee,” the tech said. “I’m just glad you’re chipped, buddy. You have a good night, Dog. Bye, Frank!”

They walked out at the same time. The Frank guy looked at her. “He does this,” he said. “He lives with a friend of mine now–he and his wife have kids–but when I got him I brought him here and he fell in love with Dr. Kristen. So when I keep him ‘cause they’re on vacation, he tends to escape.”

“Aww,” Darcy said. “That’s sweet. Thank you for the tip about packing peanuts, I was really freaked out,” Darcy said. “I’m Darcy, by the way.”

“Frank,” he said, rubbing the top of his head and grinning sheepishly. “Do you, uh, eat? I know a place nearby where they don’t mind if you hang around with your dog.”

“I could eat,” Darcy said.


End file.
